Is grime a crime?

I just finished sweeping an entire colony of dust bunnies out from under my bed. They were eating a black sock. Or mating with it. Either way - it looks they'd evolved to the point of having a leader. Why are there so many dust bunnies under the bed? I don't know! I guess I was too busy ignoring all the other stuff I don't clean on a regular basis. Like doorknobs for example. My neighbour told me he just finished cleaning all the door knobs in his place. I was amazed. Sure, I've cleaned doorknobs before but not because their turn was up in the cleaning rotation. Do regular people do that? I thought I was doing the regular people cleaning stuff, but now I've heard about doorknobs and I feel guilty.

Here are some other things I don't think about cleaning: light fixtures, walls, keyboards. Light fixtures are where bugs go to die, so I'll skip that 'til I need to change a bulb. I'll scrub the walls if I see any greasy fingerprints (but ever since the trial, we are pretty good at not leaving those behind). And keyboards? If I can't press a key because there's a nugget of popcorn wedged under it, I'll probably think about using a different word. I'm giving the impression that I'm a slob, aren't I? I'm not. Our place is just tidy enough to keep a constant flow of microscopic vermin alive to healthily challenge our immune systems. Gotta eat dirt to beat dirt, I say.

Around here, weekends normally involve a big clean-up which will last through Tuesday if we're lucky. By Wednesday, there's junk on the dining room table. Thursday I've given up on the bed making and Friday there is a full on "floordrobe" in every room of the house.

I know at least 2 people whose homes are spotless. Like, ALL THE TIME. They are perpetually prepared for the "pop-in". If the sewer backed up and the pipes exploded and the garbage disposal suddenly barfed up all it's contents from the last 3 years and then someone dropped by unannounced, there still wouldn't be so much as a dish towel out of place. I don't know how they do it but if Oprah shows up they'll be ready. And they'll probably have good hair too.

Not me. I'd scare Oprah away. I'd have bed head and dragon breath and crusted lipstick at the sides of my mouth. I'd likely be wearing something stained and/or 3 sizes too big. There'd be dirty dishes and laundry piled up and unmade beds. And dust bunnies. Definitely dust bunnies. Speaking of which, I should go - I have a feeling I missed a few under the bed. Haven't seen the dogs in a while…