Start the parade, the Habs are a pre-season dynamo!

It’s on, kids!

Now that the Habs have returned to their glory of the 1950s, 60s and 70s with a dominant 3-2-0 pre-season record, we might as well stop living the charade we think is real life and start focusing on what’s really important... the Montreal Canadiens.

After all, following performances like this Monday’s 4-3 pre-season win over the defending Stanley Cup Champion Pittsburgh Penguins, clearly the Canadiens are destined for a championship of their own this year.

The Drive for 25 is alive!

Just when you thought the departure of the greatest hero in the history of Quebec, Alex “The Magnificent Great One Magician of Wonder” Kovalev, was going to kill the Canadiens... Just when you thought Bob “The Worst GM Ever to Breathe Air” Gainey and Carey “Couldn’t Stop a Beachball with a Flamethrower” Price were going to run the franchise into the ground... Just when you thought letting Francis Bouillon and Matthieu Schneider go were the end of the world as we knew it...

Just when you thought we could go no lower, bring in the tinfoil Stanley Cups! Brian Gionta, Scott Gomez and Mike Cammalleri are here to save the day! Not only were these guys the three best players in the world on Monday night, they were even named the three stars of the game!

Ok, let’s get a grip – as hard as that can be when discussing hockey in Montreal.

The reality is that over the summer, Gainey made a lot of moves – some of which will pan out, some of which will not. But overall, it looks like he’s put together a pretty decent team.

The keys to a successful season

For starters, getting rid of Kovalev will likely be a Mike Ribeiro-esque move of addition by subtraction. If nothing else, losing him should at least stop the conversion of young hockey fans in this city into a bunch of vapid style-over-substance loving pop-star worshipers.

At the same time, gaining a guy like Gomez might teach those same kids that hockey is played not only on both ends of the ice, but also in the corners and in front of the other team’s net. Sure, 35 goals from the periphery is great if you have supplementary scoring, but having a couple of players who might actually have the gall to go to the net will probably pay off a little more.

Also, let’s try counting on Price instead of getting up his rear end every time he mishandles a shot. This kid has proven he has the skills to be a top-flight NHL goalie, but if he doesn’t get the time and space he needs to develop, it’s not going to happen.

And that leads to the most important element of all: Trust Bob Gainey.

Instead of griping about the Habs’ GM at every turn, let the man run his business as best as he can and see what happens. He put his own neck on the line by blowing up the team this summer, so now all we can do is wait and see. If the team struggles for a period, let’s see if they don’t recover from their slump before calling for his head.

This is a guy who loves Montreal and believes in the franchise. He’s one of the greatest heroes to play in this city in the last 30 years. If he can’t get the job done, he’ll be the first guy to step aside and allow the team to go in a different direction. Just let him do his thing.

Time for a change of pace

To be honest, this is the first year of my life that I’m genuinely not excited about the upcoming hockey season. It’s not that I don’t think the Habs will do well – I’d wager they’ll be a playoff contender and if things work out with the new guys, could go deep in the second season.

Who knows, with a little luck, a 25th Cup could be reality this year – stranger things have happened.

What I’m really not looking forward to, however, is the continuous barrage of cover stories about what Maxim Lapierre had for breakfast and the completely outrageous chanting of “Guy, Guy, Guy” whenever Guillaume Latendresse touches the puck.

There is a just a complete and total lack of perspective in this city when it comes to hockey and honestly, it makes watching the team less enjoyable.

Am I the world’s foremost expert on hockey? Anyone who’s ever been in a pool with me can tell you I’m certainly not. But at least I understand that chanting “Guy, Guy, Guy” at a career 46-goal scorer is not only ludicrous, but offensive to the glory that Habs fans harken to when remembering the best times of the franchise.

That chant was created for Guy Lafleur! Guy Lafleur, people! Yes, the same Guy Lafleur who scored 560 goals and 1,353 points in the National Hockey League, the same Guy Lafleur who is still the Canadiens’ all-time points leader, and the same person who won five Stanley Cups.

This hysteria isn’t Latendresse’s fault, and it isn’t the Canadiens’ fault as a team. Their job is to promote the hell out of their brand and do what they can to get the CH on the cover of every major newspaper and website as often as possible.

This is our fault as a fan base. It’s time to wake up and realize that there is life outside of the Montreal Canadiens. As the first kid to be named “Gomey” will certainly one day learn on the playground, it’s great to be a fan, but sometimes a little perspective will go a long way.