Keeping up with the Griswalds

Go ahead retail world - strive to make me organized! I will still fart in your general direction and go shopping at the dep on December 24th (it's cheese strings and Sudoku for mom again this year). The tree guy has already set up shop in the Cavendish Provigo's parking lot and I've seen the odd string of Christmas lights in my neighbourhood. It's a month before the holidays and by all accounts, it is perfectly acceptable to start decorating. So, have at it. But please keep in mind that as your neighbours, we'll have to look at your handiwork for the next month or so. So, it might be best to keep in mind a few key rules:

1. Moderation! In all honesty, I love the Griswald attitude because it means there is a genuine passion there - but too much stuff heaped on your house just doesn't look good. It looks like FAO Schwarz barfed all over your yard. Twice.

2. Lights. After the first week of January, turn them off. And unless they are strung along the rotting eaves of your home built on the edge of a fjord, take them down. Also, if a bulb on your string of lights burns out - don't replace it with a different colour or a single, blinking bulb. It gives me a tick.

3. Choose a theme and stick to it. If you want Santa and his reindeer on your lawn - go for it. If you prefer a nativity scene, great. But don't position them like they're at a singles mixer. As far as I'm aware, Frosty the Snowman did not attend the birth of Christ and the 3 Wise Men didn't ride reindeer.

4. Mistletoe. H1N1. Nuff said.

5. Icicle lights are meant to dangle off of window sills and rooflines because they look like ICICLES. When you wrap them around a tree, it messes up the natural order of things.

6. Inflatables. It's a fairly newish trend, these big, air-filled holiday decorations. They're easy to set-up, come in a range of characters and look kinda cute. Except when they start to deflate. When Santa's head shrivels to the stuff of nightmares, you've left it much too long.

7. "Wreath" is not, nor has it ever been pronounced "reef".

Wishing you all the best heading into this hectic holiday season! Nat Lauzon is heard weekdays on Montreal's Virgin Radio and wants you to know she really does like her neighbours. Honest.