The evolution of the Snuggie

The now infamous "blanket with sleeves" has been through a number of incarnations: from the regular, occult-looking Snuggie, the Designer Snuggie (because when you wear a tarp, stylish leopard print is the only way to go), the Snuggie for Dogs (because a cat wouldn't be caught dead in one) and now - the Hoodie Footie Snuggle Suit. You heard me. Basically, it’s a onesie for adults…pink fleece, a zipper down the middle, complete with hood and built-in feet. And I'm guessing a 99% birth control rate.

Through all its incarnations, Snuggie has based its ad campaign around one main thing - that we spend a great deal of our time on the couch struggling with blankets. Pull and twist and try as we may, we can't get that damn blanket to cover our entire bodies. Say, here's a thought:GET A BIGGER BLANKET, DUMMY. Man, if blankets are hard - the rest of your life must be one giant calculus class.

The commercial for the Hoodie Footie Snuggle Suit is my favourite thing about this product. It features women, luxuriating in their pink fleece onesies - drinking their herbal tea, reading books or cozily lounging around on a plush white bed, giggling. As women are wont to do, of course. Why moments ago, I myself was snuggling a vanilla-scented angora bunny on a pile of pillows while wearing my own fleece onesie.

But think about this: what happens if someone rings the doorbell while you are rolling around in all that glorious fleece onesie-ness? Are you really going to answer the door in that get-up? No - you're going to spill your tea all over yourself when the doorbell rings, zip out of it as fast as you can and run for the nearest sane-looking item of clothing you own. What if there's a fire alarm? Are you prepared to hang out with your neighbours on the sidewalk in your fleece onesie? Are you ready to be caught on film by the local TV news crew that shows up? Do you really want to be labeled the “Pink Teletubby” by the neighbourhood kids?

Don't get me wrong, I really hate being cold (Scott hates it more because he has to fend off my frozen feet under the sheets). And I have to say, I'm kind of partial to the built-in feet idea on the Snuggie Suit. But there are two very crucial elements that Snuggie overlooked: traction control and the trap door. Assuming I even made it to the bathroom on those slippery socks without careening into a wall first - I'd then have to do a full body zip down in order to pee. All of which defeat the purpose of being snuggly, warm and free of head trauma.

Unless of course, Snuggie comes up with a diaper. Give it time, give it time….